外国经典英语笑话

外国经典英语笑话大全

　The doctor lives downstairs医生住在楼下

　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　?医生?她冲进屋后大声说道。?我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。?

　他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：?太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家医生住在楼下。?

　它们是从美国直接带来的

　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：?相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的`美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。?

　He is really somebody他真是一个大人物

　My uncle has 1000 men under him.

　He is really somebody. What does he do?

　A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　我叔叔下面有1000个人。

　他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

　墓地守墓人。

　请把胡子还给我

　A man who sold brooms went into a barber?s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.

　?Two pence,? said the man.

　?No, no,? said the barber. ?I will give you a penny, and if you don?t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!?

　The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.

　?A penny,? said the barber.

　?I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.?

　一个卖扫帚的人去理发店修面。理发师从他那里买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他修面后，问一下他扫帚的价格。

　买扫帚的人说：?两个便士。?

　?不，不。?理发师说：? 我只出一个便士，如果你认为不够的话，可以把扫帚拿回去。?

　卖扫帚的人拿回了扫帚，随后问修面要付多少钱。

　?一便士。?理发师说。

　卖扫帚的人说：?我给你半个便士，如果不够的话，请把我的胡子还给我。?

　相亲

　After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

　和盲约对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：?有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。谢天谢地!?他的约会对象说，?如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!?

　Boss's idea

　When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

　Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

　Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

　"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

　由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来，我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的，他说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。

　他还说，如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费，让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。

　当时我真的被他的话感动了，就问他：?你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么

　?事实上，这就是我们老板的主意，?雇员答道：?因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。?

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我要5个搞笑大约50字左右的英语带翻译的笑话

paint 英[peint] 美[pent] 过去式：painted 过去分词：painted 现在分词：painting 复数：paints

n.

1.油漆, 涂料

2.颜料

3.涂层, 漆层

4.化妆品

5.绘画作品

6.(演员演出时用的)油彩

7.色彩；装饰；修饰

vt. & vi.

1.画; 绘画

vt.

1.在…上涂涂料[油漆]

2.涂, 搽

3.描绘, 描述

4. 往（指甲、嘴唇等上）施化妆品；染（指甲）；涂（唇膏） 名词 n.

1.油漆, 涂料

Don't touch the door; the paint is wet.

别碰这门, 油漆未干。

If workmen breathed in the fine paint spray, their lungs would be damaged.

如果工人吸入这种细微的喷漆, 他们的肺部就会受到损伤。

2.颜料

I left my paints at home.

我把颜料忘在家里了。

3.涂层, 漆层

The sulphuric acid ate into the parts of the metal where the coat of paint had peeled.

硫酸腐蚀了这块金属上涂层剥落的地方。

4.化妆品

That girl wears far too much paint.

那个女孩妆化得太浓了。

5.绘画作品

6.(演员演出时用的)油彩

7.色彩；装饰；修饰

及物动词 vt. & 不及物动词 vi.

1.画; 绘画

The little girl paints nicely in watercolours.

小姑娘的水彩画画得很好。

He painted this picture.

他画了这幅画。

He is painting her a picture.

他正在为她作画。

She painted a beautiful portrait for us.

她为我们画了一幅漂亮的肖像。

The artist painted her strolling her garden.

美术家画了一张她在花园里漫步的画。

及物动词 vt.

1.在…上涂涂料[油漆]

When will you paint the wall?

你们什么时候粉刷墙?

I painted the door a bright colour.

我把门漆成鲜艳的颜色。

They have painted the table red.

他们把桌子漆成红色。

2.涂, 搽

Taking out her lipstick, she began to paint her lips.

她拿出口红, 开始往嘴唇上抹。

She painted herself thick and ugly.

她脸上粉搽得又厚又难看。

3.描绘, 描述

The writer paints a vivid picture of his early life.

那位作家生动地描绘了他早年的生活。

A lot of propaganda has painted him as bad.

大量宣传把他说得很坏。

They painted him to be indecisive, negative, and selfish.

他被描绘成一个优柔寡断、消极又自私的人。

I know you dislike him, but you paint him too black.

我知道你讨厌他, 不过你把他说得太坏了。

His imagination paints himself hovering in the sky.

他想像自己在天空飞翔。

4. 往（指甲、嘴唇等上）施化妆品；染（指甲）；涂（唇膏）

高分求——英语笑话！！

A 17-year-old boy longed for the cycling competition. He had trained hard in his cycling club. The day came when he was to take part in the first real race. His parents went with him to the starting line, giving him the last-minute advice. Suddenly, the starting signal was given. His mother shouted, "Boy, be careful! Don't go to too fast!"

最后的忠告

一个17岁的男孩子一直盼望着参加自行车比赛，为此他一直在自行车俱乐部刻苦训练。第一次参加比赛的日子终于来了。他的父母和他一起来到起点，准备给他最后的忠告。突然，出发信号给了，他的妈妈喊道：“孩子，小心！别骑得太快了！”

The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下。

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道，“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。” 没事偷着乐 职业赌徒 During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.

After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

经济大萧条时期。有一天,有个男人走进一家酒吧,对调酒师说:“调酒师,我想为在座的所有客人每人买一杯酒。”

调酒师说:“当然可以,不过现在正处于经济萧条时期,我需要先看到你带有足够的现金才行。”

那人从口袋里掏出一大迭钞票放到吧台上。调酒师简直不敢相信自己的眼睛,就问:“你这些钱都是从哪儿弄来的?”

“我是一个职业赌徒。”男士回答。

“这不可能。我的意思是,在赌场你赢的机会最多也就五五开,不是吗?” 调酒师说。

“那当然,不过我只打我必赢的赌。”男士说。

“比如呢?”调酒师问道。

“唔,例如,我可以和你赌50美元:我能够用自己的牙咬到自己的右眼睛。”他说。

调酒师想了一下,就说:“那就来吧!”

于是,那个人将他右边的假眼抠了出来,用嘴咬了一下。

调酒师说声“靠!我上当了!” ,就给了他50美元。

那陌生人又说道:“我会再给你一次机会的。我再和你赌50美元:我可以用我的牙咬到我的左眼。”

调酒师想了想说道:“哼!你又不是盲人,我的意思是说,我可是看着你走进这个酒吧的。这一把我和你赌定了!”

话刚出口,那家伙就从嘴里一把将假牙掰了下来,咬了左眼睛一下。

“靠!我又上当了!”调酒师几乎是抗议地叫出声来。

“这就是我赢了这么多钱的办法,小伙子!不过这次你也不用给我50元了,我只拿走一瓶威士忌就算了!”那人说道。

那个人拿了酒,就来到酒吧的后房,整个晚上的大部分时间都在和当地人打牌。

边喝边玩好几个小时之后,那个人又摇摇晃晃地来到吧台前,醉醺醺的样子,都快站不住了,他对调酒师说:“小伙子,我再给你最后一个机会。我和你赌500美元:我可以用一只脚站在这张吧台上撒尿,我能够把尿射到你身后酒架上的那个空瓶子里,而且保证不洒一滴到瓶子外边。”

调酒师再一次认真想了想:这家伙现在就是用两只脚都站不直,更别说用一条腿了……于是说:“好!那你就开始吧。”

只见那人爬到吧台上,来个金鸡独立,就开始撒尿。尿撒得到处都是:吧台上、调酒师身上和他自己身上,就是没有一滴尿到酒瓶里去。

小伙子简直开心死了,大笑着说:“老兄,这次你可欠我500块钱了。”

那家伙从吧台上爬了下来,说:“没问题。我刚和棋牌室里的每个人都赌了一千块钱,说我敢往你身上和吧台上撒尿,并且还能让你大笑!”

-第二则： The father never let children maomao during dinner always talk. Once when having a meal, father saw maomao wanted to speak, then say to him: "kid, what you want to say?""Dad, flies delicious?" Maomao, ask."No!" Father said, "why do you ask such a thing?""You just have a dish, you to swallow it down."毛毛的父亲从不让孩子在吃饭时时说话。一次吃饭时，父亲见到毛毛很想说话的样子，便对他说：“孩子，你想说什么？”“爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗？”毛毛问。“不！”父亲说，“你干嘛问这个？”“刚才您碟子里有一只，您把它咽下去了。” 第三则：英语笑话（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v.告诉

(2) nest n.窝；巢

(3) description n.描述

(4) encourage v.鼓励

(5) resemble v. 相似；类似

18.鸟窝与头发

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:

(1) poisonous adj.有毒的

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人

上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

英语笑话（一）

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告“年轻者”

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”

英语笑话（八）Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人？

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”

英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

英语笑话（十）One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

回答者：lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08

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Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin

g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

逻辑推理

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。

Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了吗?

This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses．

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．

“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！”

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness．

“There are not！” snapped the lawyer．

“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife？”

这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。

有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”

“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。

“不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。

“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？”

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”

Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？

体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？

Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！

Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(

1．we two who and who？

咱俩谁跟谁阿

2．how are you ? how old are you?

怎么是你，怎么老是你？

3．you have seed I will give you some color to see see, brothers ！ together up ！

你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！

4．as far as you go to die

有多远，死多远！！！！

5．hello everybody!if you have something to say,then say!if you have nothing to say,go home!!

有事起奏，无事退朝

6．you me you me

彼此彼此

7．You Give Me Stop!!

你给我站住！

8．know is know noknow is noknow

知之为知之，不知为不知…

9．WATCH SISTER

表妹

10．dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’’son can make hole!!龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！

11.．I give you face you don’t wanna face,you lose you face ,I turn my face

给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸

12．one car comeone car go ,two car pengpeng,people die

(车祸现场描述 )

13．heart flower angry open

心花怒放

14．go past no mistake past

走过路过，不要错过

15．小明：I am sorry!

老外：I am sorry too!

小明：I am sorry three!

老外：What are you sorry for?

小明：I am sorry five!

16．If you want money,I have no;if you want life,I haveone!

要钱没有，要命一条

17．I call Li old big. toyear 25.

我叫李老大，今年25。

18．you have two down son

你有两下子。

19.好好学习，天天向上：

good good study,day day up!

20.people mountain people sea!

人山人海。